In these times, levity and humor work to raise spirits and create diversion and fun. At the farm we continually seek to put the “fun” in fungi, so we trade jokes, make up stories, and devise new potentially useful—yet weirdly awkward—product ideas that someone would buy. If I had a nickel for every good idea, I’d have a few bucks.
I ask many people of different professions and jobs if they have a joke or riddle about what they do. Most do not. The only decent riddles have been from a lawyer. It went something like this: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a fish. And, an arborist: The landowner asked the arborist to briefly describe what an acorn is. The arborist said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak.”
VABF would like to collect and share your farm and food jokes, riddles and humor. If enough people contribute, this could be a regular part of the monthly emails. Think as you do on the farm and bring your wholistic perspective to farm humor. Have fun, be funny! Even if your contribution is ribald, and we may not publish it in the newsletter, it will remain a part of our humorous heritage and a view to the lighter side of farming. Hopefully, it will lead to a beautifully published coffee table book that will make a good doorstop, or a ‘zine that our members can sell at their farm stands and markets.
Here is some humor to consider for the newsletter (see the note on origin below):
What did one crack in the earth say to the other?
It’s not my fault.
If twelve make a dozen, how many make a million?
What do you call an insane chicken?
A crazy clucker.
When does water stop running downhill?
When it gets to the bottom.
Why is a pig so unusual?
Because first you kill it, then you cure it.
Why shouldn’t you talk about the number 288?
Because it is two gross.
Why did the farmer plant caterpillars?
He wanted to be a silk farmer.
How do you keep a rooster from crowing in the morning?
Eat him the night before.
What animal can jump higher than the trees?
All of them. Trees can’t jump.
What do you call a bull’s partner?
The significant udder.
Why shouldn’t you fight with a pig trained in martial arts?
You might get a pork chop.
What did the dough say to the baker?
It’s nice to be kneaded.
Did you hear about the grass seed farmer?
It was a sod story.
Many of these were recycled from a jokebook written and signed by the friendly and charismatic hippie with halitosis, Frog, in Eugene, Oregon in 1995 in his self-published book, The Frog Jokebook for Kids Picks a Scab!
Enjoy and we look forward to hearing your jokes, riddles, and humor!
Patchwork Family Farm
How did the farmer fix his/her pants?
With a cabbage patch.
Interviewer: “Congratulations on winning the $140 million dollar Powerball lottery.”
Farmer: “Thank you.”
Interviewer: “Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?”
Farmer: “Nope. Not really. I’m just gonna keep farming until the lottery money is all gone.”
An old farmer was walking down the path to the pond when he spotted a bullfrog. He reached down and grabbed the frog and started to put him in his pocket when the bullfrog said, “Kiss me on the lips and I will turn into a beautiful farmers wife.” Again the old farmer started to put the frog in his pocket. The frog asked, “Didn’t you hear what I said?” The farmer looked at the frog and said,” At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
What do you get when you cross a Elephant with a garden?
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Why did the lamb call the police?
He had been fleeced.
Why did the cabbage win the race?
Because it was ahead!
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play!
Thanks to Polly Heiser from Seven Springs Farm CSA!
What kind of vegetable likes to look at animals?
Why are radishes smart?
Because they are so well-red
What do vegetables wish for?
Peas on earth
What kind of vegetable is jealous?
What is a taxi driver’s favorite vegetable?
What does corn say when it’s embarrassed?
What is a chicken’s favorite kind of vegetable?